The Gift

I have been a terrible blogger lately. My apologies. I found a wonderful job, thanks to Brooke that keeps me terribly busy, and I have been devoting the other hours of my life to my little miracle. She still is my micacle, always will be. I ADORE spending time with her! I love all the sugar, spice and everything nice! I never knew what happy tears were until I met her. I cry them all the time now! These little moments amaze me more than I can put into words. I realized the other day that her hands have grown. I look at her hands and I just wonder what they will do. Where will her tiny feet take her. Whose heart will she touch? I am blessed. I will never take a moment of that blessing for granted! Her life is a miracle beyond measure! She saved her mommy! Oh how many tears I cried before her, the saddest tears. Now, only happy tears come. She has brought joy to our family more than I can tell you. Some of the greatest moments I have with her are the ones in which I watch my husband and my parents interact with her. The love that is there, AMAZING. I see God in her! I see all things wonderful.

Laney has a new friend. Her name is Estella and Estella has such a great personality. She is always all smiles and happy. Laney is a happy girl, but it's funny when I see them together, the differences in their little personalities. They are 6 weeks apart almost to the day. Laney has a "Fab 4", the 4 people she most takes to. She is untrusting and cautious, it takes her a long time to warm up (who does that sound like?). That is okay, that is who she is, nothin' wrong with a little caution, especially in the world today. Estella lets anyone hold her, and she giggles. Laney waits for everyone to get distracted, then it's like she whispers to Ella that they can play then. As soon as we all start to pay close attention again, it's over. I am glad that Estella and her mom, Laura, came into our lives. We are blessed to know them. Very sweet people! Again, I have Brooke to thank for that!

It's been through this process of struggling to get my miracle, and having her that I realized how wonderful people can be. I have met some of the best people! I am blessed!

They have been playing Christmas music already on the radio. It may seem early to you, but I am using it as an opportunity to teach Delaney all the songs that her Great Grandma loved so much! This is such a magical time of year that we are coming up on. It's all the more magical for us here at the Nunn Household. We have a gift already, and she comes wrapped in a gorgeous bow! I have always been known for my bows on my Christmas gifts. Delaney is no different. She is the greatest gift I could ever ask for!

So, tonight I write and I dedicate my blog to all my friends, and even people I don't know, that struggle to get their miracle (although that struggle makes it THAT MUCH BETTER Christie)! You will get it! I promise you will see a miracle in your time. Though I hated the wait, it nearly did me in, that wait is why I realize my blessings now! Thank you God! Thank you for my gift! And thank you to family and friends that stood alongside and now watch this miracle unfold! Joe and I are blessed! The song The Gift by Jim Brickman is my perfect song right now!

For this child...

For This Child, We Have Prayed. I saw that on a plaque while I was with Delaney and Carrie at the Festival of the Little Hills. Could there be anything more appropriate for my angel? Oh, for her I have prayed! I have begged and pleaded, and now I say prayers of thanks! My girl has grown so fast! She can sit up on her own, she loves all food and she is even crying more like a grown baby! I love her so much! I love getting to buy her all the frills that girls deserve and I just love teaching her! But, this girl has taught me a lot! A lot about gifts. Many of you know that I LOVE bows. I loved bows long before Delaney. I have always been known as the best gift wrapper in the family. A gift from me is said to be exciting because of the wrapping and the big bows on them. Maybe this is where my obsession with bows started. I love wrapping a well thought out gift with a big beautiful bow! It makes what's inside that much more fun! Now, I have my Delaney. And those that have seen us, know that most of the time, she has a big bow on her head! I got to thinking today after the Festival that, just like gifts I give, I love to wrap this Gift I have received with bows also. Not to make the inside more fun, but to show her just how precious she always has been to me, my whole life. The love that is in her heart is the most important gift I can ever give her! I sure hope she feels it someday! She is my gift, and I will never forget that!

A Not So Distant Memory

I took Laney to Mass today and we sat in our usual spot. We love going to the LifeTeen Mass at St. Cletus. As I held Laney and she belted out squeals, I looked around and remembered looking around that church with sad eyes. I remember holding my hands so tight, seeing families, big pregnant bellies, and literally begging God to let me be blessed with a baby. I remember my heavy heart. I remember how broken my soul was.

Today, my soul was whole, my heart repaired, and my eyes filled with tears, but not sad tears. I wiped a tear of joy and thanks away from my eye before anyone could tell as I swayed with my sleepy angel in my arms.

I spent today at Church thanking God for the precious gift He gave me. Somewhere out there, someone has that heavy heart, someone longs, and I am blessed. I pray for all those women and men that long to be parents. I want for them what I have, because that longing, that broken person, is a not so distant memory for me.

Spoiled Shmoiled

Literally, if one more person says to my little Momma's Girl, "Oh aren't you so spoiled" because she won't go to them without that lower lip coming out, I am going to scream. That is a fact! My angel is not spoiled. She has only a few toys. Is she showered with love? You bet! Was I blessed enough to have been able to spend the last 4 weeks with her? You better believe it! Do Delaney and I deserve the love we have for one another? Yes. We are mother and daughter. Frankly, I would worry if she was not attached to me. I know that EVERY good parent LOVES their child. Every good parent, ADORES their child. But, after getting to know people, I mean REALLY know people that struggled to have children I realized before Laney even came along that those people, those "climbers" loved their children in a way I could not express. There was something different. Something more pure. I say that not to offend anyone that did not "struggle", you love your child too, but the connection was strong when there was a journey to be had.

I will tell you my biggest regret with my daughter was not getting to know her better before she was born. I tried for so long, that I did not want to get too attached should something go wrong. I met lots of beautiful ladies that finally saw those two glorious lines on a pregnancy test only to be crushed later! I have a great friend I met on my journey that just happened to. After 10 long years, she got crushed! I could not have taken it. So, I did distance myself a bit. My friends and family would jump up and down, "Aren't you so excited????" I can hear Elizabeth screaming it now! I would say, "Oh yes!" But deep down I was SCARED. I was afraid my Laney and I would not meet. I regret that. I regret that I did not spend more time getting to know her then. It's funny, the moment she was born reality hit. Tears ran down my face. My baby was on my stomach! MY GIRL! My angel from heaven.

We all would lie if we did not hope for certain things. Sure we all want a healthy baby, but I always wanted a baby girl. I love the bows and frilly things. I wanted to have tea parties with her, and play dress up. I even wanted to guide her through the "drama" years. I thought sure I was having a boy I wanted a girl so bad. But, I got my girl. And it's now looking back on the whole thing, I realize something. If I go to Lowes tonight and they don't have the size door I need in stock, they may have to special order it. I won't be able to take it home tonight, I will have to wait. I really wanted that door tonight...But I MUST wait! I realize that I had to wait a long time, because God knew what I wanted. Delaney Noel was a special order item and it took a while for her to be shipped into my arms.

I adore that little girl! I sometimes lay and watch her sleep. I look at her face. I look at her little fingers and toes, and I thank God for the miracle laying on her boppy. I am blessed! I know I am blessed, and I will always let Delaney know how blessed we both are to have one another. That BABY can feel that. She feels all the love I have in my heart. My mom said when she cries when I am gone, it's like her heart is broke. She is going to get better with other people, but for now, she feels the greatest love one person could have for another. A bond, not being "spoiled", but being loved. I did not know what love was until she graced me with her being. I know now that those people that throw the "spoiled" term around are confusing LOVE with something material. How sad that they do not know love in it's purest form!

Lemonade and Love

Looking back, there was a moment. It was a fast moment, one of those life or death, decision making moments that changes things forever. You see, when I first met Joe, I liked him enough. But, I wasn't sure I "liked him like that". I mean, he was a nice guy, but I wasn't into nice guys back then. But then there was a moment. A breath-taking moment that I was reminded of today. I passed a lemonade stand today and I had a flashback of a day much like today. We were in the car driving through a neighborhood on a hot, sunny day. It was 8 years ago, maybe to the day, who knows! There were these kids outside with a typical lemonade stand. Joe saw them and stopped the car, got out, and bought two lemonades. He told those girls to keep the change from a large bill, the value of which I can't recall, but the gesture touched my heart. I knew then and there that I was done with the jerks. And more than that, I loved this man. He had a kind heart. And for that, I loved him.

Tonight there was another moment like that. Tonight, Danielle, you asked me what it was like to be married, and I said that it was different and a lot about compromise. But, I left out the part where there are still moments that take your breath away and make your heart melt into a big glob of mush.

This evening, Joe gave Laney a bottle before bed. She was a crabby bear most of the evening. She was TIRED. But Joe has a ton of patience with her, and he made her a bottle, took it into her room, and sat next to her crib and gave her the bottle. When she finished, he brought the bottle into the kitchen where I was cleaning the days worth of bottles. I looked at him and could see his face was damp. I asked him why he was crying. He denied having cried, so knowing he was lying, I asked again, why he was crying. He said these beautiful words, "Because when I finished giving her the ba, she turned toward me, smiled, and said "Goo" like she was doing it just for me, just because I was there." And again, my heart melted.

Yes, that man can get on my nerves and sometimes I don't know what keeps me from going off the deep end when he leaves his messes everywhere. Yes, he drives me bonkers on the weekends with his incessant "relaxation". But then, he makes up for it when he allows me to fall in love with him all over again.

What I Would Die For

This has been an emotional week for me. I mean, who wouldn't be emotional about turning the big 3-0! But, more than that, my life has completely turned around this past year. One year ago this past week, I was in a state of shock. I could not come to terms with the fact that my dream was coming true. During the time of "my climb" I listened to all kinds of music to ease my mind, or say just what I couldn't. A few of the songs were Please Forgive Me (David Gray), Blackbird (Beatles, but I liked the Sarah Mclachlan version better), Still Haven't Found What I'm Lookin' For (U2), No Air (Jordin Sparks), Someday (Celtic Woman) and my all time, I can't stand this crap anymore song was, I Would Die For That (Kellie Coffey). I just youtubed the Kellie Coffey song, it said EVERYTHING I wanted to say and scream! I love that song. I really would have died for the chance to have what I have now. I would have laid my life down just for a moment of the joys I get to experience now. It is amazing!

I want my daughter to know so much, mostly I want her to know how much I loved her before I even knew her. She is my everything now.

So much has changed with her this past week too! We've taken a big leap into the land of big people foods! She now has cereal everyday and has been trying out carrots! I can't believe how fast babies grow. Often, I just want to stop the clock. Just freeze time. I have noticed her feet this week, how much they have grown. She is getting so big!

So, I would like to take this moment and say, thank you God, for giving me the ONE thing I would die for!

One Year Ago...

One year ago, my dream finally came true. Exactly one year ago, to the moment, I was a sad person. Another birthday was approaching and I was supposed to be a mom several times over by now. One year ago my arms were empty. One year ago, I was with my mom and we drove to my house to see what Joe was planting in front of our house. We got there to see all the rose bushes in front of my house. My mom told me "There are your roses, Betsy." You have to know me well to know that I said a novena to St. Theresa for years begging for a child. When you get a rose, your prayer is answered. I thought, "Yeah, right mom." Later on one year ago, I was standing at my sink and my eyes were drawn to a sign that Carrie bought for me. It reads "Miracles: The most astonishing thing about miracles is that they happen." "Yeah, right." I told myself again. But my eyes went back to that sign. And I thought.

For fun, I took a test, and saw the most glorious lines. I told Joe, called my mom, and called Carrie. I proceeded to take several more tests and remained in a state of shock and wonder that are hard to explain!

Today is a sweet day for me. To think back. This was the most amazing day of my life, one year ago! As I type this, I watch my mom feed Laney. My angel and the rock that listened to me cry for years as I climbed for my angel! My mom was a rock for me! She listened and never believed that I would be without my Laney. My mom always had faith, even when I lost it! I am one THANKFUL person as I look back over the past year. How blessed I have been!

Just one year ago today!