Little Green Pillow

Okay, okay, I know it's been a while. I am guilty of not blogging:) I will try to be better. I am just so moved with joy as I watch my child grow, that I have a hard time keeping focus on writing, though I know I should get at it. So, here goes...

Today I was moved to tears. It began when I put Laney down for her nap, and since she is in a full size, big girl bed I thought I would lay by her. Mommy needed a break too. So, I grabbed my comfy pillows and I laid down next to her. I have 2 main pillows I have to sleep with. One is just a soft regular pillow, and the other is a decorative pillow I have had for years. I have called this pillow "my little green pillow" for ages. If it's missing, I ask Joe to help me find "my little green pillow" and he knows just what I mean.

Ever since I can recall, Laney prefers this same pillow. She will yank it right out from under me and lay on it. Of course I give in, because I will do whatever I can to make her happy! And as we all know, it's easy enough to steal it back after she falls asleep. But, today I let her have the pillow, and I watched her cuddle up with it. Then it hit me...My mom has been asking for months if Laney has a "lovey" or something she likes to have to make her feel safe. I keep saying no, but I do believe that "my little green pillow" is her lovey. I watched her snuggle with it and the flashbacks started. I laid on that pillow and dreamed of one day being a mom. I hid my face in that pillow when I couldn't stop the tears as I longed for my little Laney. I held on to that pillow so tight when I didn't have any hope that I would ever meet my Laney. That pillow was what saw me in my darkest hours as I hoped, longed, wished, and dreamed of my little Laney. That pillow caught all my tears. All that sadness existed within pillow. All that hurt, all the hard times were laid out on that pillow night after night, and so many afternoons when it was just too hard to get out of bed.

Now, my angel rests her head on that pillow. All her hopes and dreams lie on that pillow night after night. Maybe, just maybe it even helps her see just how loved she is, just how loved she was, long before she was even here with us. Maybe it will help her know just how much love I have for her in my heart. I wanted her for so long and that pillow comforted my weary head as I battled down the road.

I also want to thank all my other "my little green pillow"s. All the people that were in my life and comforted my head when I needed them. All the people that watch my daughter grow and know just how loved she is, and help me celebrate that with her! All the people that I know my Laney can count on to comfort her head when she is tired, when her heart is broken. I love you all from the very bottom of my heart! I thank God for you each day! All my little green pillows!